Doubting leads to seeking, seeking leads to renewed faith

Doubt is a huge part of life. We all have doubts. The question becomes: Are those doubts going to hold you back or make you look deeper? Throughout my life, I have let doubt tell me not to do something or make me question why I did something. Take having children for example. I am not a perfect parent, by a long shot, and I have often questioned what I was thinking bringing two little boys into this world. That doubt is furthered when something goes wrong. One of them gets hurt or is acting out. Or when our youngest was diagnosed with ASD and SPD, and just recently ADHD. What did I do wrong as a mother that his life is going to be that much harder. 

Another aspect of life I have doubted is my place in this world. I have always felt like I should be doing more, like I was meant for something great, and I am only living this day to day mediocre life. I go to work, I come home, rinse and repeat. And this is where I have decided to make a change. I have been getting more and more involved with church, helping where I can with services and such. And then I became council president. This opened the door for me to lead, not only monthly council meetings, but in the church, up at the alter, as the need arose. Each time I have stepped a little more out of my comfort zone, at first just doing readings or helping with communion, then being assisting minister, to running a service when our pastor was ill. Then I wrote my first prayers of intercession. I was so scared, and doubted that I had done good enough. But it was good! 

Then came the time I was asked to write a sermon, a full sermon! I spent a solid week researching the gospel, reading what others have preached, determining my stance on it and telling my story. It was on doubting Thomas. What a perfect place to start for someone who is doubting if they can do this. Nervously I wrote, and rewrote, and rewrote, until I was down to just tweaking the little things. Then I sent it to my pastor to review. Anxiety was not my friend while I waited to hear back. It turns out, it was great! The relief I felt was immense.  Of course I still had to stand up and give the sermon to the congregation, but that was easy comparatively. So, without further ado, my very first sermon!